DEAR DORITOS

DeaR DORITOS, Fries, Popcorn, Twizzlers, Butter, Melted Cheese, (in any form) bread, Rice, COus Cous and occasionally cigaretts...Though that's a different blog.... I need to wrote you a letter. Iyanla from "Starting Over" and "Finding your Joy", and "Realzing your potential through self righteous faux African spiritual talk" thinks it's a great idea to take your fears and blockages and write them a letter. Like, if I was abused I should write my abuser a letter or if I was my abuser I would write myself a letter and tell myself to find my joy and love myself and stop abusing myself with the spirutual love that I can only find in taking a journey to alittle place i like to call ....me.. See How it works? So, I am taking her advice and writing the foods that are keeping my stomachs groing and growing even though I am going to the gym on a pretty regular basis and eating pretty well. except for the top line. I need to tell these foods, to STAY AWAY. Stop calling me! Stop trying to get all up in me. I mean, Ok...The truth is I do lead them on. Becasue frankly, I love them, I love them more and more each day and I dont know how to quit them. Oh Doritos, you evil Bitch. WHy must you taunt me so with yuor nacho cheese and your cool and cooler ranch. ? WHY I SAY? I love opening the bag, I love looking at the bag, I love everything about you. I love to touch your bag, and slowly rip open your top, taking in the sweet and salty aroma of what lays inside for me to put my hands all over and devour feverishly as if I have never touched a dorito before. But the truth is Doritos, I can't even remain faithful to you for I love others, in the baove line. ANd n o matter what I do -- workout, portion control, I seem to retain 3 seperate stomachs all competing with my large boobs. Currently when I sit down theres not much difference ebetween the boobs and the stomachs and frankly I am tired of it. It needs to stop. YES. SO as of today -- The above line all of you know who you are, even the ones not mentioned today, I will control you. I will on occasion shove you in my face and eat the shit out of you loike you have never been eaten, BUT in moderation of course. I am merely stating that I will control you. I am the master of these stomachs, and as of today theres only room for one stomach and 2 boobies. YES. VIVA LA CONTROL. VIVA La WORKING OUT. VIVA la on occasion Eating that little bitch bag of doritos. We shall overcome. ANd When I say We I mean the sotmachs.

Rock out all out
I love you Doritos. I love you.