Wednesday, February 01, 2006

DoRITOS meet IYANLA




I love DORITOS. NACHO CHEESE and COOl Ranch DORITOS. I believe and have surmised they are the root of my troubles. I realized -- just the other night, as we had, had a lovely workout at the gym, the minute I exited the building, I wanted DORITOS. IS this normal? NO! I just worked out. I had to Fight literally till I went to sleep not to buy a bag of beautiful Doritos. So, I made a pretty healthy dinner, which I had seconds of, BTW - and then I made popcorn. SO I basically just slapped the gym in it's Face. Yes, I did. I am recognizing this, and yet, still ate the seconds and the popcorn. Even after watching STARTING OVER with the Nubian Queen Ivaynla who would tell me, to find my joy, to see myself in the most glorious way I can, to visualize the body that I want, that I can change, that I am the one in the power seat, and yet I have succumbed, I have submitted, I have given up to the all powerful DORITOS. Maybe I need Starting OVer. Or Is Ivyala (How the hell does she spell her name?) Maybe she's right, maybe all her arrogant tough love, all her grand standing balck power, all her Faux African self righteousness, is actually right. DO I need to meet myself again? Do I need to sit in a room with Doritos and write the Doritos a letter? Do I need to hold a Mock Trial with Doritos? Do I need to live in a house with a handfull of women and allow them to help me, to see me, struggle with the DOritos? DO I need Ivanyala to give it to me staright and narrow, and all knowing? Or maybe I need to to just snap on the will power, recognize that I am worth a hard hot body, and even though there's a man named Frank living inside me, and the woman in me is a full figured, lovely lady, that's OK. and ON occasion so are Doritos.

Ohhhh Chembaba
Thank you Ivanyala.

GOLDMAN

2 Comments:

Blogger zaftig said...

julie, i think the doritos need a letter soon. i think it's almost time. you need to face them unafraid. i'm here for you. rachel

3:50 PM  
Blogger meganjowilson said...

Doritos are the perfect snack treat. Espesh with soy milk and a Welcome Back Cotter episode. Sigh. There is no use resisting.

I must admit, I have had the Baked Doritos and they are pretty F-ing good. Ok, now I am a loser because I am giving obvious stupid advice about satisfying the need for salty crunch with some lite fucking chips.

Next, I'll be telling you to take the stairs as if that makes a fucking difference. Anyone who says they lost weight by taking the stairs instead of the elevator is LYING. It burns like 3 calories!

I have to go eat a chocolate Tofutti Cutie. You think you got it bad...I just found out I'm allergic to wheat. I went a few days without it and I've never felt better. Fuck. FUCK. No bagels, no bread? No whole wheat Carrs smothered in herby cheese? No fucking baked goods whatsoever? I live next to a fucking bakery. My life is a cruel joke.

I am officially your biggest blog groupie.

6:02 PM  

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