misty, water-colored memories.

i had a great weekend with two of my favorite girls, as seen captured in the kool-aid smiles in the picture here. but what is also captured here is my double goddamn chin(s). there have been many great times in my life captured on film and as soon as i see the photos all i can see are my double chins/moon face/preggers belly/love handles/fat arms/etcetera, and so forth, and dot dot dot.

now, i'm sure this is some sort of narcissistic disorder that i should deal with. but in the meantime my memories are being blurred. misty for sure. not so much water-colored.

already i look at pictures from my life and my first instinct is either to squirm with the sight of my size or squirm with how much i've grown in size since the picture was taken.

is this what's going to happen when i break out the photo album to show the kids? oh, jesus, wasn't mommy so fat then, kids? OR mommy, is that when you were pregnant with me? huh, mommy?

go fuck yourselves, kids.

i don't want to look back on my life in pictures and not see my life.

frickin' double chins. i tell you. they just ruin a smile.

whole grains and chazzy,
rach